Not Everything Needs to Be Announced

What Mary and Elizabeth Teach Us About Discretion

We live in a generation where it has become almost normal to show everything.

We announce a new project before we even know whether it will work out.
We share a new relationship as soon as it begins.
We announce a pregnancy very early.
We show the preparations, the steps, the achievements, the changes happening in our lives.

Today, there is almost this feeling that if people don’t know what is happening in our lives, then somehow something is missing.

As if good news only becomes real once it has been shared.

As if a project needs to be announced before it has even been built.

As if the people who love us automatically have the right to know everything happening in our lives from the very beginning.

And yet, when I read the story of Mary and Elizabeth, something made me pause.

Something that seems so simple, yet has become increasingly difficult in our generation:

discretion.

Elizabeth Was Pregnant. And Mary Didn’t Know.

In the Gospel of Luke, the angel Gabriel tells Mary that Elizabeth, her relative, is also pregnant.

And what struck me is that Mary does not seem to have known beforehand.

Elizabeth had already been pregnant for several months.

Mary learns about it through the angel.

And yet, when Mary goes to visit Elizabeth, we don’t see a scene where she asks:

“Wait… you’re pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me?”

No reproach.

No frustration.

No “But I’m your relative.”

No comparison.

No wounded ego.

Mary arrives, and the encounter is filled with joy.

Elizabeth welcomes Mary.

The child leaps in her womb.

And the words that come from Elizabeth’s mouth are words of blessing.

I find this scene beautiful because it teaches us something we have sometimes forgotten:

Not being told immediately does not necessarily mean that we are not loved.

We Are Not Entitled to Know Everything About the People We Love

Perhaps this is where the reflection becomes truly personal.

Because sometimes, we tend to think that because someone is our sister, our brother, our friend, our relative, or someone close to us, we should know everything.

We want to be the first to know.

We want to know before everyone else.

And when we discover something after everyone else, we can quickly take it personally.

“Why didn’t I know?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Don’t you consider me close to you anymore?”

“I thought we were closer than that.”

But sometimes, there is absolutely no bad intention behind someone’s silence.

Some things simply need to remain private for a while.

A person can deeply love us and still choose not to tell us about a project immediately.

They can value us greatly and still decide to keep a decision to themselves until they are certain.

They can be happy about something happening in their life and still need time before sharing it.

They can even be going through something very important without having the strength or desire to explain it to everyone.

And we need to learn to respect that.

Because loving someone does not automatically give us access to every part of their life.

Discretion Is Not a Lack of Consideration

I think this needs to be said clearly.

Not telling everything is not necessarily hiding something.

Not making an announcement immediately is not necessarily exclusion.

Not posting something does not necessarily mean shame.

Not telling everyone on the first day does not necessarily mean a lack of consideration.

There is a difference between lying and protecting your privacy.

There is a difference between hiding something with bad intentions and simply choosing not to expose everything.

We need to rediscover that difference.

Because today, we live in a time when exposure has become so normal that discretion can sometimes seem strange.

People ask:

“Why doesn’t she post anything?”

“Why didn’t she say anything?”

“Why am I only finding out now?”

But perhaps the question we should sometimes ask ourselves is:

“Did this person really owe me this information before they were ready to share it?”

And often, the answer is no.

Mary Also Shows Us Something Else: A Heart of Service

What touches me even more about this story is Mary’s response.

When she learns that Elizabeth is pregnant, she doesn’t remain in curiosity.

She gets up and goes.

The Gospel tells us that she went “in haste” to Elizabeth.

Mary doesn’t turn the information into a topic of conversation.

She turns the information into service.

She goes to Elizabeth.

She goes to be present.

She goes to share an important moment with her.

And I find that beautiful.

Because there is a great difference between wanting to know and wanting to be there for someone.

Sometimes we want to know the details of other people’s lives simply because we want to know.

But Mary shows us another attitude:

“Now that I know, how can I be there for her?”

That’s different.

What If We Learned to Celebrate Instead of Taking It Personally?

Imagine that a friend tells you today:

“I’m pregnant.”

And then you discover that she has actually been pregnant for several months.

What would your first reaction be?

Would it be:

“What? How long have you known? And you didn’t tell me?”

Or would it be:

“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

I think we need to relearn that second response.

Because good news does not become less beautiful simply because we were not among the first people to hear it.

Someone’s success does not become less meaningful because we discovered the project after it was launched.

Someone’s happiness should not become a source of hurt simply because we were not there for every step that came before it.

We need to learn how to be happy for others without needing to have been present at every stage.

Some Things Need to Grow in Silence

There are projects God allows us to carry for a long time before others discover them.

There are dreams that need time to mature.

There are decisions that need prayer.

There are changes that need time.

And there are seasons of our lives that we simply need to live through before explaining them to everyone.

Sometimes, talking too much can scatter us.

Because when we spend so much time telling people what we are building, we can end up spending more time explaining our vision than actually bringing it to life.

Everyone doesn’t need to know about your next project.

Everyone doesn’t need to know your next step.

Everyone doesn’t need to know what you are preparing.

Some things can simply remain between God and you until the right time comes.

Discretion Can Also Be a Form of Protection

We also need to acknowledge something.

Not everyone looks at our lives with the same intentions.

Some people genuinely love us.

Others are simply curious.

Some encourage us.

Others compare themselves to us.

Some pray for us.

Others may be waiting for us to fail.

So why give everyone access to everything?

Discretion can sometimes allow us to protect what is still fragile.

A project that is just beginning.

A relationship that is still being built.

A decision that is still taking shape.

A blessing that has only just begun.

Not everything that begins needs to be exposed immediately to other people’s eyes.

Just because something is beautiful doesn’t mean it has to be shown immediately.

But Discretion Does Not Mean Living in Hiding

There is an important distinction here.

Discretion does not mean becoming someone mysterious who never shares anything with anyone.

It does not mean hiding important things from people who genuinely need to know.

It does not mean lying.

It does not mean manipulating others.

It does not mean living a secret life.

Discretion simply means knowing the difference between what should be shared and what can remain private.

It means understanding that privacy is also valuable.

It means recognizing that some things can be lived before they are told.

We Also Need to Learn to Respect Other People’s Silence

Perhaps this is one of the greatest lessons.

If someone has not told us something yet, let’s give them the freedom to choose their moment.

Let’s not turn their silence into an accusation.

Let’s not make them feel guilty for not telling us.

And above all, let’s not turn their life into an investigation.

When they are ready, they will speak.

And when they do, let us receive their words with love.

If they announce a pregnancy, let us celebrate.

If they announce a marriage, let us celebrate.

If they announce a new job, let us celebrate.

If they finally tell us about a project they have been working on for months, let us celebrate.

We don’t need to understand why we weren’t told in order to be genuinely happy for someone.

Mary and Elizabeth: Two Women, Two Pregnancies, One Encounter

What I especially love about this encounter is that there is no competition.

Mary is pregnant.

Elizabeth is pregnant.

And yet neither woman tries to take the place of the other.

Elizabeth recognizes what God is doing in Mary.

Mary goes to Elizabeth.

They bless one another.

They rejoice together.

They support one another.

And perhaps our generation needs more relationships like that.

Relationships where we don’t need to know everything in order to love.

Relationships where we don’t need to be the first to know in order to celebrate.

Relationships where someone else’s happiness is not an opportunity to ask questions, but an opportunity to give thanks.

Not Everything Needs to Be Announced

So yes, today I want to defend discretion.

Not a discretion rooted in fear.

Not a discretion rooted in shame.

But intentional discretion.

The discretion of someone who understands that everyone does not need access to everything.

The discretion of someone who allows certain things to mature.

The discretion of someone who understands that God also works in silence.

The discretion of someone who understands that some blessings are meant to be experienced before they are shared.

Because at the end of the day, we don’t need to turn every stage of our lives into a public announcement.

There are things we can simply live.

Things we can protect.

Things we can entrust to God.

And when the time comes to share them, we can share them with the people we love.

And to those around us, we can also learn not to demand access to everything.

Because someone can deeply love us without telling us every detail of their life.

And when that person finally comes to us with good news, perhaps the best response is not:

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

But simply:

“I’m happy for you.”

After all, true love does not always need to be in the know about everything in order to genuinely rejoice.

And perhaps this is also what Mary and Elizabeth teach us:

to know when to keep, when to wait, when to serve, and above all, when to rejoice in the grace God has given to someone else. ❤️